End of the Year Thoughts

Floating- above, in and out.
The end of another year.
It's slipped through with little emotion and devotion yet again.
Just enough to get by.
Just enough to be noticed but not too much.
Realization headstrong.
Longing everyday.
Lust without knowing or love.
Scared of the past, prevents happiness occurring in the future.

Things to remember for my future to ensure greater wisdom that can hopefully benefit my children as well as myself:

1. Be yourself no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts- it'll alleviate the pain in the future threefold.
2. By holding onto your control, you enter ignorance foregoing learning therefore choosing to stick your life into the well of stagnancy.
3. Write everything down, document as much as possible- your past is your greatest tool to learn about the present.
4. Follow the instinctive feeling inside whether it's God or your past trying to lead your future in the right direction.
5. Don't ever allow learning to become a chore, embrace it and let it push you into new horizons and beautiful views- fictional or non-fictional.
6. Daydream; allow yourself to see beyond the present. Sometimes that's the only thing that will get you through the day.
7. Vulnerability is only a weakness if you're timid about it- embracing it, knowing and showing how you're feeling won't bring laughter but a contentedness within as you peel the layers to show you and others your true self.
8. Realize that you ARE your past. Never run from it- just because it's something that has already occurred and you can physically run away from it doesn't mean that you can ever emotionally disconnect from it. Face your fears head-on, the hurt will only get worse and effect you (and more people) more as it stirs inside.
9. In the end, it doesn't matter what you don't do as much as what you are known FOR doing. If you're in it for the prize, get out. If you're in it for the good or someone else or even better, for others, then give it your all.
10. Joy comes from making others happy- not the reverse. Selfishness leads to superficial happiness and ultimately loneliness.
11. Respect is insignificant when it becomes the only thing you strive for or have on the mind. Focus on bringing the best in everything you do and treating everyone better than you would like to be treated- it comes without wanting it.
12. Constantly allow yourself to transform. Never settle for staying the same in anything beyond the most basic human ethics- do right for others, for mankind, all the time.
13. Judgement is a fine line. Use it for known facts to protect yourself. Once it becomes a shield against assumptions, the shield turns into a self inflicted wound as well as a man made bubble from peoples true inner beauty.

Isn't it odd to think that our present self came about only because of our parents, surroundings and experiences? I suppose my mind has been on this subject for some time because I've felt at a standstill whilst not feeling as though I can do much about it. Maybe this isn't because I'm stuck, maybe it's more of the thought that I COULD make a change but in doing so, it would go against what society deems as appropriate for this day and age hence my timid feelings.

Don't we feel most alive when we break from those barriers? Why do we hold ourselves back by staying on the track laid before us? I feel more accomplished when I do something that I deem special on my own terms rather than reading the how-to and following the directions. Yet we still follow, fear and hide. Granted, not everything we're told to do is wrong but I wish I had the courage to rise above more often and pave the new way. Failing (done right) isn't stupidity. It shows confidence, an adventurous spirit and a tangable view of that persons search for the best experiences in life.

Someone lend a hand, I'll need it to push through.

By the way- check this band out if you haven't already, I've been listening to this non stop over the past few hours (especially "Grounds For Divorce"):
http://www.myspace.com/elbowmusic

p.s. They won that little award called the Mercury Prize- no big deal...